What Hurts The Most
by stacy.charest
Summary: After a tragedy leaves Logan, alone as a single father of an infant son, will Kendall be able to get Logan to love again? A/U, Slash, Lomille/Kogan/Jarlos, Mpreg
1. Prologue

**Prologue**

Dear Journal,

I know I haven't written in you for a while, but I really needed to write. It has been eight months since my love and mother to my child, Camille, has passed away. I feel so empty without her.

Our little boy looks so much like her. Why did that horrible accident have to happen to her? Its crazy! One minute she was by my side. The next, she is taken away from me and I don't think I will ever be able to love anyone ever again. The only person I can really ever love is my son.

Thanks for being my safe keeper,

Logan

**_Flashback: _**_8 months ago_

**Normal POV**

_'Hey my love, I will be home in ten minutes. Once I get home I will take a quick shower then we will be going out just the two of us,'_ Logan quickly texted as he jumped in his car, buckling up as he waited for her response.

_'Okay that sounds great but what about the baby,'_ he smiled as he read his wife's reply

_'My mom said she would take care of him while we are out,'_ he quickly typed back. It would be their first time going out together since their little angel was born a month ago and Camille was nervous about leaving him alone.

The reply was delayed. He knew she was thinking it over, _'Okay then see you when you get home'_. He smiled giddily as he glanced at the flowers on the passenger seat before throwing the car into reverse and pulling out of his parking spot.

~line break~

Once Logan returned home and took his shower he told his wife, "get your bike helmet, Cam, we are taking my motorcycle." He got his own helmet and put it on his head.

"Okay," she said as she got her helmet on. He smiles as he got on the bike and made sure she was holding on tightly.

They made it to restaurant and were seated and started talking about their day. As the dinner goes on they continued to talk and enjoy their company until finally they paid and start heading home.

Logan makes sure that Camille is holding on tightly then head back home. As they were on their way home driving through a busy intersection, Logan's life was suddenly torn from the seams. Though it was his green light, another driver too distracted to notice the color change, barreled through the intersection and collided with the motorcycle.

Camille lost her grip on impact and was thrown from the bike while Logan went crashing to the pavement along with the bike. The only thing saving his head was the protective helmet as he lost consciousness. Camille hit the pavement, skidding and rolling like a rag doll, the pavement ripping through her clothing and tearing up her flesh.

After a few minutes, Logan began to gain consciousness, stars dancing in his eyes until his vision cleared enough to see Camille on the ground bleeding and immobile. He tried getting to her, yelling out in pain as he tried moving his body as he realized he was trapped beneath his bike. As he tried to move again, the pain overwhelms him and he falls to blackness once more.

When he finally regains consciousness again he notices that he is in a room with white walls and he realizes that he is in the hospital and looks around trying to find Camille.

"Cam? Hun, where are you?" he says just as a doctor comes into his room and sees him awake.

"Ah, Dr. Mitchell, I see you are awake. That is good news."

"Where is my wife?" he asks.

"I am sorry, Logan. Your wife had too many severe injuries. We tried saving her, but we weren't successful. I am sorry," the doctor said.

"No, you can't be serious. She can't be dead. She was safe when I saw her. You're lying! Why are you lying to me? Where is my wife?" he exclaims at the doctor.

"Dr. Mitchell, you have to calm down or you will pull your stitches," the doctor says as he tried calming him down.

"Shut it! You're lying! My wife is not dead! She can't be!" he says as he slowly breaks down in tears.

"I am truly sorry, Doctor Mitchell, but she has passed away," the doctor sighs. "I am sorry that I have to do this too, but you will pull your stitches if I don't do it," he says as he sedates him.

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**I hope that you enjoyed the prologue of my story I will update this story weekly so I will update usually on Saturday or Sunday. If I don't update then that just means I have a lot of homework to do as I am starting school on Tuesday.**

**P.S. Go read LunaJay07's stories she is an amazing writer and she is also my Beta for this story so please go and show her some love because without her I don't think that this story could be possible**


	2. chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts

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Logan woke up to Levi crying. As he went to get him, he was happy it was his day off and that he could spend the day with his little buddy. He picked Levi up, thinking he could maybe invite James, Carlos and their little girl over for a play date.

"Hey there big boy. How about we get a clean diaper on your cute little bum?" he says as he carries him to the changing table.

A few hours later Carlos, James and their little one get to Logan's house. Carlos knocks on the door and waits for Logan to answer.

"It's open guys," Logan shouts as he picks some toys up and puts them away.

James opens the door and walks in with Carlos following behind him.

"Hey Loges. How you doing, man? It's been a while." Carlos says while looking around the small, but homey living room before pulling Logan in for a hug.

"I'm doing fine, you two. It has been a while," Logan replied before hugging James, "Sorry I haven't been able to get a day off in forever, but I got today and I wanted to hang out with you guys," he smiled, releasing James before picking Levi up.

"Oh and Loges we brought an extra person with us too," James says.

"Oh, who is it?" he asks while raising an eyebrow and moves back.

"We thought we could have the whole gang back together so we brought Kendall along," Carlos explained as he stepped aside, revealing the tall blond.

Logan's eyes turned cold as they fell upon the additional guest. Green eyes held his stare, refusing to back down until the brunette turned away, "Why the heck did you think inviting him would be fun? Do you even remember what happened back in high school?" Logan scoffed at Carlos.

Carlos looked down and mumbled, "Sorry, I thought you were both over it and I thought we could have the old gang back together," he sighs.

"Yea, I know when I'm not welcome here so I'll just leave," Kendall growled, walking out, his eyes on the ground masking the hurt.

"Good riddance, ass wipe," Logan yelled out to him angrily and sets Levi down again.

"Dude, calm down. We just wanted all of us to hang out again. We know what happened back in high school, but that was a long time ago," James said with a bit of anger in his voice.

"Jay, you really don't get it do you? Ken, hurt me and for the longest time I couldn't even be in love and Cam changed that. Now Cam is gone too and I have no one. My parents hate me because I'm Bisexual. How the heck do you think that made me feel when they kicked me out?" the shorter brunette asked while going to close the door.

The youngest of the three men left to explore the house, hating when his husband and best friend fight for no reason.

"You know what Loges? We know that, but you need to forgive Ken and try and make up and at least become friends with him again," the taller brunette urged.

"I know Jay, but it's hard. You don't get it because you and Los have been together since high school and haven't ever broken up and your parents were very understanding about you both being gay," Logan says with a sigh.

The taller of the two nods, "Okay how about we do something now, dude, rather than be mad at each other."

"Sure" the shorter of the two agrees.

A few hours later the three men where having a nice supper of steak and potatoes done on the grill along with a nice healthy salad while the kids had some baby food. The dessert was an apple pie with ice cream.

"That was a really good supper, Logan. Thanks again for inviting us over for the day. We had fun," Carlos said smiling and sets a sleeping Jacey in her car seat and buckles her up.

"It was no problem. It was nice seeing you three again. I'm sure Jacey and Levi had fun together while we talked," Logan waved from the doorway of the house.

"Oh yeah we have to do this again sometime soon," James called out from the driver's seat.

"Agreed," Logan called back.

"Oh, for sure" the shortest of the men says as he gets into the car.

"Yeah, well I'll call you when I know when my next day off will be," the brunette says his goodbyes before he walks into the house and closes the door.

_~What Hurts The Most~_

_Dear Journal,_

_I told you that I would start writing in you more often. Today I had some old friends come visit me, and they ended up bringing my ex-boyfriend too. I was angry because our relationship didn't end on very good terms._

_So as you can imagine I was mad and told him to get out and he didn't seem to care, but then my two other friends got mad at me and told me I should try to at least become friends with him again. We were all best friends at one point, but I don't know if that will ever work out because of what happened back when we broke up._

_Thanks for listening again to my problems,_

_Logan_

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**Author's Note: hey sorry I didn't post on Saturday or Sunday I was with my best friend since she left for college and I won't be seeing her for four months but I hope that you will have enjoyed this chapter and I hope that you will continue reading next chapter there will be more insight on what happened between Kendall and Logan**


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